I am nearing the first 24 hours without my bubbe (which I recently learned means “grandmother” in Yiddish - how fitting, I guess) and it’s the hardest time I’ve had in a long while. I awoke this morning around 3:30am with a start. I could have swore I heard Watson at the water bowl and picked my head up to see if he needed anything. I was confused to see an empty space where he should have been standing. And then my sleep-haze cleared and I remembered.
I woke again around 6am very upset. Not sure if I was dreaming, but I woke up with the thought that I was already starting to forget him. I asked Rich to start telling me all that he could remember so that I could too. I wanted to keep a mental list until I could write it down…. We went back and forth for a while; I was crying the whole time. And then he said “the good memories will come to you in time”. And that is so true…..
I packed Baby Waldo off to doggie daycare today so that I could spend some time alone. I went wandering around the mall to be among the living. It was odd to see so many people about… I wanted to stop them and ask how to keep going. How can you care about shopping when I have just lost my best friend??? Bloody hell….
And in the car, I swear that I heard him sigh. NPR talk radio was on and I was in traffic… it was ever so brief… *sigh*… I almost turned around to see him but couldn’t since I was on a curvy part of the road. But I was afraid to turn around and know I wouldn’t see anything….. my heart would break all over again and I can’t take that right now. Is he trying to tell me that he is still near? Maybe. I can tell myself that to get me through the next minute. I hope he is near so he can see how much I miss him, so he can see how much I wish he were still here, so he can see that I haven’t moved anything of his because it will be a while before I am ready to admit he is gone.
I would like to take a page from Graham’s book and share my memories of him with you. Perhaps you will find it interesting; perhaps not. But I introduced him to you when he was at his sickest… and I want everyone to see the whole picture. I want to bring the story full circle so that people now and in the future will know him… all of him.. and not just the part that was sick and fought back but lost.
I will work on that in due time. For now, I will miss my boy with every cell in my body.
3 comments:
Linda,
Please share Watson's early days onwards with us as soon as you feel able. I would love to look forward to each update and to see Watson "blossom" into a very loved, secure, and happy dog. Everyone would miss your brilliant writing if you decided not to continue and it would also be good for you to relive the happier times. When you are ready..............we will be waiting. In the meantime be kind to yourself and take care. Thinking of you each day, Lesley. xxxx
When you're ready, I'd love to hear more about Watson when he first came to you.
I'm really pleased that you can sense Watson around you - I think it's important not to dismiss these things as 'silly'. Just because you might not see him doesn't mean that, for example, the sigh, wasn't from him.
I look at it a little like a radio. When you're tuning it, every now and again you catch snippets of far off and quiet programmes, and usually carry on past to get the station you want. Being with, and talking to Watson is just a case of 'tuning in' to the quieter signals inbetween the day to day stuff, and trusting your intuition in knowing when he's with you.
Look after yourself, and grieve in the way that you feel's right,
Graham, Prince & Tilly xxx
hi, we are sorry to hear about the loss. Watson was part of your life and he will always be. He's now pain-free at Rainbow Bridge and would want to see you happy too.
Please be strong, as Walder will need your comfort too.
Do continue to write, we'll visit you often.
*hugz*
Jasmine, BamBam & Eski - from Singapore
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